The Hype
Annabelle was the highlight of The Conjuring, and although it wasn't too scary it was still a great film. It is in no way a surprise that this spin off was spawned and i'm sure it will make plenty of money. My initial impression was that this would be another throw away silly and cliche horror flick. But then I had to convince myself I should be exited, it's a prequel to a great movie and is being produced by the guy that brought me the only two films I consider truly scary to me as an adult (Insidious/Insidious: Chapter Two). So i'm watching The Conjuring the night before and start getting pretty pumped, this could be another great movie that makes my hair stand up and my eyes water, I could see myself buying it on its Tuesday home video release and proudly placing it on my shelf between Insidious and Sinister. Boy can things really go south fast,
The Review
Annabelle started exactly the same as The Conjuring, I can't prove that its the same scene shamelessly copied and pasted into a new film, but the actors and dialogue were the same, so whats the difference? Annabelle feels the need to constantly remind you that its connected to a vastly superior film, I guess in effort to gain some pity points from the unsuspecting audience.
When I watch previous James Wan films they set the mood immediately and let you know you're in for something big, Annabelle fails to do this, but i guess you cant complain too much about opening credits. The introduction/set up took entirely too long, and was almost painfully boring. The film follows a expecting husband and wife sometime in the 1960's, yet their clothes are the only thing that follow suit. In fact it so much seems like a modern day film that when at actual item from that period shows up it feels comically out of place. This movie almost feels like it's trying to be cliche, from the stove top popcorn fire of Scream, to the static TV of Poltergeist. .
The performances are sub-par, and that's being generous, the uninspired characters are accented with stale acting, with such stiff moments as a pregnant woman pretending to dip her pickle in mustard, and picking up a folded blanket, refolding it and placing it in the same spot. I realize these things aren't vital to the story but they really take me out of a movie, and make it hard to appreciate. The infant baby was actually the most talented actor present, and no i'm not just being a smart ass. The story is just as bad too, sometimes main characters will just disappear for lengths of time with no explanation, or the mom will be running around and returning to an empty house, leaving me wonder where is the baby? I know it seems like im nitpicking but you should give the audience some credit that they are going to ask questions like this.
I have a note written down "Jump scares are not scary" this was about 3 minutes before i almost jumped out of my seat. Annabelle certainly does have its moments, but for every well done sequence or shot there's several cheap scares, and plenty of tropes and cliches to bring it down. One of my biggest problems with the 'film" is that it seems to have a dead baby fetish, just to clarify dead babies ARE NOT SCARY, just bad taste. They even go as far to pretend that the mother just savagely beat an infant to death. I shook my head and rolled my eyes more than any other viewing in recent memory.
For a movie called Annabelle, the doll has a shockingly, almost insultingly small part in the film, over and hour in and the doll has yet to move, she feels like a mere set piece. There was literally a point in time when I forgot there was even a doll in this movie. The whole time i was preying Patrick Wilson would show up and add something redeemable to the film. Annabelle has no regard for the rules of the universe set forth in The Conjuring even though that's its biggest claim to fame. The ending is even worse than the first act, The resolution beyond being ridiculous and making no sense is just plain lazy, and worst of all it tries to act like it had some deep message about god and motherhood this whole time, no person in their right mind would take any sort of advice, life lesson, or credence from this stinking 90 minute turd disguised as a motion picture. The scariest thing about this movie was the music in the end credits...
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Because I just spent the better part of five paragraphs ranting, i'm going to find some good things to say about Annabelle. It did have one or two moments that were almost truly scary and were reminiscent of Insidious. It also had some interesting and creative camera angles. I like the use of elements from the "true story of Annabelle" even though they were tweaked a lot.
So there, I complimented it, Now its fair.
The Verdict
The 4 minutes of quality scares in no way justify this 90 minute crap fest
5.8/10